Conflict Resolution

I am always quick to avoid conflicts because I know that some people take everything as a personal attack. They would get mad and totally defensive if there was a disagreement on any point or matter. Someone with a more assertive personality would almost always overcome the other by using strategies for the desired outcome. O’Hair and Wiemann (2012) states, “conflict cannot always be resolved, but every conflict does eventually have some outcome” (p.241).

The conflict that I would like to present is as follows; my family and I went out of town to spend thanksgiving with my dad and his family. On our way, I heard that my brother’s mom, who I also love was in the same area visiting my brother, and she heard that we were in town. She went ahead and made plans for us to stay at their house, without even discussing it with my dad or with us. We stayed with my dad and went to visit her on Friday and she was very quiet. I asked her what the matter was, and she replied that we were very selfish, and that she made all these arrangements, cooked and waited for us since Wednesday and we were just showing up on Friday afternoon.

I waited until she was through with her disappointments. I then told her that first of all, we did not come there to see her. I asked her if she or my brother had discussed this with my dad. I also asked her why when I spoke with her on Wednesday evening, didn't she let me know about the plans that she had made. I told her that Secondly, my husband pledged that he wasn't leaving the house until Friday and thirdly, how could we be selfish when we had already planned our visit in its entirety and I that I had no clue that she had plans for us. She mumbled something about her plans not being important because she was not a part of our family. I told her that we were all together now and that’s what should matter, that yesterday was already gone and we do not know what tomorrow will bring. I then asked if we could move on to enjoying the visit. She concluded that it was an all-round lack of communication but she was still disappointed. I told her that it was not a personal attack on her but that we just felt so relaxed after the eleven hours, hot chocolate and brownies and biscuits (sweet pastry, English cuisine), that we chose not to move. We then hugged and went into a friendly conversation, food and family fun.

I believe that I handled this personal conflict fairly, at first I was upset about MS Williams’ statements. I felt that she was attacking me for something that I knew nothing about or had no part in. However I compromised with her in the situation as I thought about her feelings and expectations.

The strategy that I have used is the act of Compromise. I believe that as early childhood professionals, we will have many opportunities in which to use this strategy. We guide the children by offering two choices to accomplish an outcome that we want them arrive at.  It is a winning strategy because everyone gets what they want. Another strategy that I could have used is the win –win situation, whereby both parties have a discussion and come to a favorable outcome with both are satisfied. (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012).

Reference

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St.            Martin's.

Happy thanksgiving to everyone!

Communication

It was amazing to know that without realizing it, your verbal and nonverbal styles of communication tells not just how you communicate, but basically what type of person you are. Two unrelated people, a male and a female, a family member and an associate came out with the same result as I did. The number ranges were in the same level the three categories as listed below.

Communication anxiety: My score = 38. My husband score = 42. My associate score =32

Verbal aggressiveness: My score = 67, My husband score = 53.My associate score 59

Listening styles: Everyone scored group 1.

          I do believe that the scores are accurate because really feel comfortable with communicating in most situations. I intentionally try to place myself in the other’s position so that I am sure that I am hearing, listening, and observing the verbal and nonverbal cues. Doing this helps me to interpret the individual correctly, so that the message that is conveyed is received with the right perspective. I am always respectful to the individual, even if their idea is opposite to what I think. However, I do find a kind way to propose my thoughts about the matter.

The test results all fell in the same levels in each category, even though was associate was not as close to me as my husband, their scores were in the same range. When my associate and I talked about the results she told me that she admired my patience with almost everyone, that I looked for the good in everybody, I did not realize that I communicated that. My husband laughed when he handed me the paper, he remarked that he keep telling me that caring for people is my passion but I absorb a lot of their worries. I once volunteered at a home for the aged and he stopped me from going because I try to help everyone. I see that in these results.

If I gained anything from this week’s course work it is this, that we can judge someone so easily, based strictly on one meeting or just their physical appearance. When we form an opinion about someone we tend to communicate with them based on that opinion even if we did not know them at all. We often judge people based on the first impression that we get of them. Given the opportunity to get to know them, is almost always surprising, that they are probably the complete opposite of our perceptions. The way we communicate with a person bears somewhat on how we view them.

          I learned that my self-concept has to do with who I think I am, my thoughts, actions, abilities, values, goals and ideals. While my self-esteem is all about the whole attitude of my emotions, thoughts, abilities, skills, behavior and beliefs, depending on the situation or circumstance that is occurring. Self-efficacy is the ability to figure out, based on the self-concept and self-esteem, what kind of success we will have in this world that we live in (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012).  As an early childhood professional, I have to know who I am because how I behave and the image I have of myself, will impact the children, whether negative or positive.

Reference

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's. 

The Different Ways We Communicate

A few weeks ago if I was asked the question “Do I find myself communicating differently with different people and groups”? I would probably say that I did not because I would not have given it much thought. Now that I have thought about it, I realize that I do communicate differently with different groups of people. It may be family versus relatives, family versus friend, my Island people versus people in this first world country in which I now live, it may be the clergy versus the congregation or superintendent versus my fellow colleagues. There are a number of things that I may take into consideration when I am communicating, such as; the setting, status or occasion.

When I am communicating with people who speak another language other than English, who are just functioning on a few English words, I patiently put the words together so that I can understand what they are saying. However, it is very stressful for me because I want to be sure that I hear the message without misinterpreting what they want to convey to me. It is the same way when I am speaking to someone who do not fully understand English, I find myself speaking slowly and loudly, which seems so ridiculous because the person is not deaf.

When communicating with fellow Islanders casually, may be family or friends, we get into our local patois (dialect) where we are comfortable, talking and gesticulating with ease and comfort, not caring about the fragments of British English, African and others which make up our dialect. It is a sweet, soothing and unpretentious atmosphere that frees the mind and relaxes the body, allowing me to bask in the ownership of one small part of who I am. On the other hand, communicating with people of this culture (American) is totally different, I have to put on the Standard English so that the listener can hear and understand the words that I am using, before they can begin to comprehend the message that I am passing on to them.

When communicating with Professionals, my mind get into an intellectual mode, where intelligence is in the forefront of my thoughts. It depends on what is the purpose of the communication, are we discussing programs or strategies, or are we talking about improving our skills. I have to speak like a learned individual, applying knowledge of the subject that we are discussing. It may be on the topic of diversity or quality education or even available funds for low income families. I have to speak about what I think is good and what needs to be improved or just the awesome opportunity of playing an important role(s) in the lives of young children and their families.

I will definitely conclude that our communication styles are different when we are communicating with different people, depending on the relationship we have or, the purpose for and messages we are trying to send. I have learned a lot this week about communication and being effective. Based on that I would use these three strategies in an effort to communicate more effectively.

Firstly, I will definitely apply the platinum rule in all of my communications with others, which says “Treat others as they themselves would like to be treated” (Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond, 2011).

Secondly, I will be more intentional in, putting myself in the shoes of others when communicating with them, to try and understand where they are coming from, how they are feeling and what it is that they are trying to communicate to you.

            Thirdly, I will seek out my own verbal and nonverbal communications styles/patterns and understand that they have different meanings based on the different cultures interpreting them. Therefore, I have to pay attention to the culture I am communicating with, in an effort to show respect and to not be judgmental of them.

Reference

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon 

How we communicate

         This blog assignment was so much fun and so very enlightening. I had to watch online because we are in a no television period in my household. I watched an old episode of The Cosby show, it really took me back to my high school days, I enjoyed the memories. The family seemed very close, both parents appeared to work on their own interpretation, and don’t necessarily agree on decisions about issues. The younger children (girls) were involved more than the other two children characters. The father seemed angry at the middle girl about something that she did, so he demanded the phone number and called to confirm. At the end the girl seemed happy because she gestured a ‘Yes!’ with a forceful arm movement, dad clearly did not change his mind about his decision though.

For the remainder of the show the characters move from one scenario to another, dad seemed to always be controversial about something, he and the boy came in apparently excited about what they did. Mom and dad had some disagreement in the bedroom, he ended up on the coach. There is a lot of body language going on in this show, along with a lot of facial expressions. The comedy was family based and had a lot of conflicts going on.

After watching again with the sound on, I realized that there was no real disagreement or anger in this show. I was right about the family being very close, the children were loving to one another and were very respectful of their parents, and everyone was respectful of each other. The father was very loving and had fun guiding the children to truth and a good attitude. Mom was a school teacher and dad a doctor, they were both great parents who disciplined with love and wisdom. I based my interpretation of the scenarios strictly off observed body language and assumptions or judgments, I would say even my own schemas. The episode was fun, I went on to watch a few more of them and enjoyed it. Well, I realized that all the funny faces, popping eyes and stomping turned out to be affectionate passion built into the show.

My guess was way off about the bedroom scene of disagreement, it was funny because she wanted a sandwich and he suggested leftover chicken, she said no and before he left the door she wanted the chicken, what I thought was a quarrel was  the husband doing one of his ‘I know you Claire’ act. This exercise brings clarity to my understanding of what it means to truly observe with all our senses. . I now have a deeper understanding of the importance of having effective communication skills. We need the different types of skills so that we can really understand each other. Listening, non-verbal, verbal, hearing, observing, recognizing difference in tones and applying contexts, these help the communicator in understanding the messages being sent. We have to listen and pay attention to what someone is saying to us, body language and other non-verbal communications are important but are not the only channels. We have to hear what is being said or we may misinterpret and therefore misjudge what the other person is trying to tell us. This can lead to frustration and issues with relationships.

Competent communication

The person that I can think of is a recent Jamaican politician icon, the honorable Roger H.C. Clarke, late minister of government of Jamaica. He was my friend, mentor, a politician, an eloquent speaker, an effective anti-bias civil servant and a serious but easy going motivator. He was very eloquent in speech and had audience with royalty and commoners a like. The attitude that he had about him was that he was created to be humble and caring and an advocate for the young and those who are poor.

He had the ability to walk into a room and put everyone at ease, no matter how light or damning the communication was going to be. At times he was viscously criticized and even ridiculed but he would often turn it into appropriate humor, having everyone laughing and quickly relaxed. He stood tall in statue and powerful in speech, an active listener and gentle in mannerism. His daughter as does many, refer to him as a gentle giant as he never intimidate his opponent. He made sure his audience understood the message he was sending.

As Roger communicated, he made himself part of the context he presented, he would never stand behind an argument that he did not believe himself. That is the person he was and that is the kind of communicator that I would like to be. I will definitely model his communication capability, as I have seen how much impact he had on a people, the impact he had on me. He passed on recently and I want to carry the communication torch that he carried as his soul rest in peace.